


Breaking Down on the Shower Floor

by Loulou123



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28543806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loulou123/pseuds/Loulou123
Summary: He's such a burden, and yet his selfish hands reach out; begging for one last loving touch that he never quite receives.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Breaking Down on the Shower Floor

His body was running solely on the guilt he felt over the death of Uriel. He was the one who stabbed his little brother. 

Banished him into inexistence. 

Never able to see his family again, never able to grace the Silver City with his optimism even after being told he couldn’t join in. His determination to be included had turned out to be a flop, all because Lucifer had decided someone else was more important.

Well, two people...

But who was he to decide who mattered more? Who was he to send his brother into a void where he should be forgotten so painfully soon?

Never heard of again, no turning back.

Because Lucifer thought that what he wanted was more important.

His pathetic desperation stood in the way of talking down his brother, and now he could never see anyone again.He would be completely alone.

Maybe that was why Lucifer had subconsciously created the same for himself as well.

He purposefully said the wrong things to Maze, hurt Ella and Dan’s feelings to a point of no forgiveness, and even said things he would never say to Chloe had he not been trying to punish himself. These things would have definitely driven her spawn away, too.

He didn’t mean any of it.

He wanted it to stop.

The glares he received, the union of people he had forced into ganging up on him, the way he drove his body to its limit in an attempt to create his own mini Hell on Earth.But he didn’t deserve to be free of pain when his brother suffered for a moment of insanity, and a miserable fantasy.

His previously immaculate get-up was crumpled, dirty and never tied properly. His hair was curly, ridden with knots that he had no desire to be rid of. His eyes were bold and obnoxiously red against his worryingly pale skin.

His social ability had been hindered, (if he even bothers to leave the house) with him stumbling over his words and being unable to hold eye contact. People would be worried, if not already furious at his inexplicable rudeness to everyone. His attitude and words had shifted dramatically in a matter of very few days, and it were as if he couldn’t simply function.

Maybe he couldn’t.

Chloe, Dan, and Ella had received the brunt of the harshness. Insults upon harmful glares riddled their days, and Dan was about ready to burst with fury. Chloe didn’t know what was happening to her best friend. She wanted him to be okay, and stop acting like a complete dick for one moment to step back and see that what he was saying hurt, and that they were all there for him.

But she didn’t know that he knew how harmful he was being.

Ella looked like the could almost cry at the slightest breeze, and Dan’s temper was becoming short-fused. Chloe’s insistence that she was there for him made it worse. He was the worst to her, and yet she refused to leave his aching side.

Today, when he got home, he felt the worst that he had felt about the whole situation than before. All he could see on his hands was the blood, crimson and thick. He closed his eyes to will it away (which normally worked) but it refused to leave. His breaths became ragged and he felt like collapsing. He ran to the bathroom sink to get it off, but it only made the water more red and more blood seeped into his clothes.

He cried out lowly, like a wild animal shot down by a hunter. He turned the shower on and stood beneath the cold water.

The tears on his face immediately washed away, but the blood wouldn’t go. He continued to groan in mental torment while images of his dying little brother force themselves into his mind.

His legs gave way, and he fell to the floor of the shower. He had no will to do anything but let his head drop and his legs cross. The water didn’t feel as cold anymore, but the phantom blood covering his hands felt too heavy, too warm against his skin.

After a few moments of silence, he began to sob. Quietly yet painfully at the guilt and heartache he was feeling all of the time. He deserved everything he was getting, yet he was so much of a coward that he wondered if he should stop and apologise for hurting everyone, before returning back to his previous position.

If they would take him back.

That brought a whole new wave of nausea to him, he brought his hands to his face to wipe the tears that were streaming messily down his face.

His sobs became louder, and he curled up into a small ball on the shower floor.

Water dropping like the ash of hell onto his body. 

Torturous warmth seeping into his skin like the fires of when he fell. A devil face in-the-making as he weeps.

And when the tears dry out; all he can do is beg for his detective - his Chloe - not to worry about such a monster. For Dan and Ella not to remember him as a friend. For Maze to find who she us without him ruining everything at each step of the way.

He's such a burden, and yet his selfish hands reach out; begging for one last loving touch that he never quite receives.  
Nobody comes looking. Nobody cares enough anymore to check. He's in his own void now, and it's exactly where he deserves to be.


End file.
